You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
