Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize