Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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