I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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