your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
