I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
