Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He told me they were just razor bumps!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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