Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize