I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize