There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
