My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
