Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Can I color on your dick again?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
