is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
