I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
