is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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