I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
