We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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