As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
