some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
