the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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