I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
