Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
