I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You're a waste of cheezeits
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
