she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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