I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
