I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
