tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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