apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
