he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
