nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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