a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
