Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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