It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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