Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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