My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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