when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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