Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
