I just saw a hot homeless man
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
