I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
