His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
