jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
