I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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