You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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