Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
