i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
