I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
