Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
