Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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