im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
