I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I stole a fireplace last night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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