I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
