New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
