Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
