I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
