Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize