Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
