Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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