kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
