Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
